Yesterday was the most terrible day as parent for me. I lived a nightmare when my little angel fell down and hit her head on the floor. The seconds she faded away and could not react at all were a real horror for me. When she finally awoke she was shocked and did cry for so long keeping her eyes tightly closed.
The Story continued at Emergency …
This was not the end. I took her in my arms and run to the emergency, where was the second part of my horror. The doctors suspected for some damage at the brain, as she vomited several times. So, they decided to do the tomographic test. But, there were no chance to make my daughter stay in the appropriate position to do the scanning. Even though I was completely shocked and my brain was totally numb, I knew that was not possible. I did a similar test myself and I was aware of the noises of the tomographic machine. My little angel is scared from strong noises. So there was no chance she could undergo the test.
After this trial failed successfully, the doctor decided to keep my daughter under observation. He treated her with some medicine against possible swelling of the brain. I could not held my tears when the nurse performed the procedure. The placement of a piece of plastic at her little hand for the serum. Surprisingly, my little angle was opposite to me. She did not cry, nor complained while receiving the serum. Fortunately, the nurse did not suffered to find the veins. So, no unnecessary pain occurred.
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Transferred to a more Specialized Hospital
But, the most difficult moment for me was when the doctor told me to transfer my daughter to a more specialized hospital. I’m sure my heart stopped for a little. I though the worst possible things for a fraction of the second and kept asking explanations from the doctor. That was the moment my daughter asked to walk for the first time since the fall happened.
Watching my daughter suffering in the ambulance, was something I’ll never forget. After some light complications in the ambulance, we finally arrived at the new hospital. I was almost fading from the stress and tiredness. Fortunately, my mom and my sister arrived on time to deal with my little angel. Surprisingly, she started to behave normally as soon as we enter the hospital. But, I was too tired and stressed to enjoy this positive change.
The new doctor decided to observe her for a bit, before making the tomographic test. As soon as my daughter saw her aunt, she started to play. Ate bread and bananas, drunk plenty of water and asked several time to get out of the hospital. My sister was so pleased to see her change and kept repeating: “She returned to be herself. She is herself now.”
We asked her about the usual stuff we normally play with, and she did respond correctly. Finally, she started to laugh with our jokes and her preferred songs. As you may imagined, we finished the observation period successfully. And, finally, after running around hospitals for more than 7 hours, we went home.
My Emotional Situation
I told you the whole story, as I wanted you to imagine the whole situation. Why? Because this is the way you can get why I’m writing this article. I wanted to tell you about the fears and insecurity feelings I felt yesterday. I felt weak, and small, and powerless, and scared, and terrified, and guilty, and prejudged.
Some foreigners kept telling me to be more attentive with my daughter. These were completely unknown folks, who knew nothing about me. They didn’t know me as a mother and how much I care for my daughter. They simply took the liberty to give me lessons on how to better take care for my daughter.
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The highlight of this situation was a phone call I received from a police officer, while still in the hospital. At first, I was not able to understand what he wanted from me. But, then I realized he was investigating my daughter’s case. The medical staff notified him about the incident.
People dared to judge my Parenting Capabilities
He kept asking why my little angel fell down. Somehow he was insinuated it happened due to my incapability. According to him, I damaged my daughter. This was a second shock to me! But, it helped me to get the whole situation right. All those people lecturing me for hours, were not actually trying to help me for the future. Instead, they were judging my ability to be a good mother?! How dare them? They do not know me at all. They have never seen me with my child before. And had no idea how much I take care of her every day. They were not present all the times I’ve prevented similar, and even worse accidents. Still, they felt capable to be the judges of my parenting capability?!
Until that moment, the only one thought I had on my mind was how to explain what happens to the father of my daughter. He was in a business trip and could not be with us. This was another reason to make the whole situation even more difficult for me. Can you imagine? Instead of concentrating my energy to my daughter situation, I had to take care of the prejudgments of all the people. People who thought to have the right to judge me.
The only People not judging me
The only one person who didn’t judge me was the doctor that accompanied us during the transfer to the new hospital. He had a daughter at the same age as mine. He confessed me that while he was seeing my angle in that situation, he was thinking that the same could happen to his daughter in any moment. The other non-judging person was another doctor at the new hospital. Her daughter was three months younger than mine. The day before she was saved from her grandma at the last moment. Just before devouring one sachet of pills, her mother kept in a specific drawer at home.
Interesting enough, these two parents did not ‘dare’ to judge me. Because they are fully aware of the difficulties children at my daughter’s age have.
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My Personal Insights about my Parenting
That being said, I want to be sincere with you. I felt guilty about the incident. Not because it happened for my fault. But I was sad I couldn’t prevent it. I was so much worried about the potential damage caused to my daughter’s brain. I kept thinking if she would judge me about it. Now, I know a 21 months old child is not able to do such judgments. But, anytime I think about my parenting, I wonder how I look as a mother in the my daughter’s eyes. “Does she perceives me as a good and caring mother? Is my daughter feeling well-treated and protected next to me? Does she gets all the love she needs to feel great? Is she happy to have me as a mother?”
I strongly believe, that the answers our children for these questions, are the ones that really count. The rest are just noises to be ignored. Parenting is composed of a difficult set of tasks to be performed on non-stop basis. I consider myself capable to do many things, and I’ve done a lot in my life. But, parenting is the only thing that has changed so much my life. It makes me feel unsecured and scared most of the time.
But, anytime I am scared or not sure what I’m doing, I think about those ladies with 5 children. I wonder how come other mothers have raised 5 children successfully. How could they handle all the burden so well? Most probably they have been able to discover the secret of successful parenting. And, just kept applying it in practice every day.
I’m still looking for this magical secret. Meanwhile, I try to fit best parenting practices in my life. I still believe to my gut feeling as a guidance to find the best way for my parenting. And, of course hoping for the best. Let me know what do you do to make sure you’re doing the right things as parents.
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